Karen Keller
Power is the ability to bring about a change in one’s psychological environment.
Does this resonate with you? For someone to have the power to change your psychological environment, don’t you have to give them that power first? Or is this a psychological game people play?
All good questions. But the real question is this: when people attempt to use this power on you, do you recognize it?
The science and power behind principles of persuasion lies in their ability to produce an automatic response from people. Automatic, meaning it happens without your realizing it is taking place. It starts in your subconscious and moves forward into your mind, making you respond to whatever type of power they are using on you.
That’s not the way women understand power.
Women have a deeper sense of power and influence as a way to create a shift. A shift inside another person. Women value that the process of getting someone to make a favorable decision happens when you reach them on an emotional level.
But that’s not the way many people see it or use it.
Unfortunately, people use power to get their way, manage stress and satisfy a big ego.
There are five sources of power that are used to influence people.
The first source of power is reward power. This is where the person with the power is also the person who controls the resources, such as energy, supplies, information, and even your time. The holder of this power sends the message that if you perform as they would like, then you will have access to energy, supplies, information and time. They appeal to your feelings of loyalty and friendship.
The second source of power is coercive power. This person has control over punishing you. If your behavior, ideas or words don’t please them, then they can punish you by withholding favor, being violent, hurting people you love or denying you. The worst form of coercive power is in a loving relationship. The person says, "If you continue to think this way, then I won’t love you, stay with you, or help you." They use demands and threats to get you to comply.
The third source of power is legitimate power. This type of power is based on the position or title of the person who has it. For example, this could be a rabbi, a teacher or your mother. We've all been raised to have a certain reverence for people in authority because of their age or some other factor that is beyond our control. The problem is that some people who have legitimate power misuse or abuse it.
The fourth power source is expert power. This is based on the knowledge that a person has what others don’t. They use logic and facts to make an argument. Before you succumb to this power, you need to make sure they really are an expert. Don’t just take their word for it; check credentials, experience and education.
And the last source of power is referent power. Movie stars and politicians depend on this source of power. Referent power is based on a person’s attractive qualities. Beauty, charm and charisma all make this type of power hard to resist. They arouse enthusiasm by appealing to your values and aspirations.
Each of these "sources of power" is an external way of persuading or influencing someone to do what you want… something happening outside of yourself.
Each of these types of power is under someone else’s control – not yours.
Part of the reason people are susceptible to other people’s power is because they don’t discover their own power. They are so busy searching on the outside for what exists only on the inside.
Beware of the traps from these sources of power. Just because he’s handsome doesn’t mean he has your best interests at heart, or just because she controls the resources, don’t roll over. Find your own resources.
Always be hesitant when you hand over your power, blindly follow someone else and look no further than what you are told. Power can be good and bad – just recognize when bad power is being directed toward you.
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