Coco Chanel not only created the fashionable and immortal suit and “little black dress” but she made women believe that they can live their own lives, they can be independent and wear clothes according to their own preferences.  So powerful was Coco Chanel’s influence that today, a bottle of Chanel No. 5 is sold every 30 seconds.  Now, that’s influence!

Coco set out to conquer the world.  She showed women they could be comfortable and still look elegant.  Famous for her saying, “In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different,” This became Coco Chanel’s secret of influence to women everywhere.

What do your clothes say about you?

Is it the right message?  Does it work for or against you?  What influences your choice of wardrobe?  How do you use the power of your clothes?

Your answers to these questions are valuable in making an impression – influencing an outcome – or persuading a thought.

Women in positions of influence, from Wall Street to Washington, face the fashion police every day.  For these women fashion and clothing choices are serious business.  But is it any less important for the Mompreneur or the woman teaching third graders?  No.

Choosing the right clothes for your personality and the situation is one thing you have control over.  Make a note of the clothes you have in your closet.  Seriously, go through your wardrobe answering these three questions:  How do I feel in this?  (not only comfort-wise but emotionally).  What am I expressing when I wear this? (try it on then stand in front of the mirror).  And, finally, is it me?

Now, here’s the key – the answers to these questions should support each other – at least be in tune.  If not, it’s time to drop it off at good-will, then go shopping!

Women are scrutinized very differently than men.  No surprise!

Carly Fiorina, author of “Tough Choices,” writes, “while being interviewed by an editor at Business Week during her first month as chief executive of technology at Hewlett-Packard, the first questioned asked, (even though HP was in the midst of a major technology revolution) was, ‘Is that an Armani suit you’re wearing?’”

Now, I ask you – who in their right mind would think her clothes takes precedence over her solutions for a massive technology upheaval?  Would an editor ask Bill Clinton, are you wearing Givenchy, while in the middle of peace talks?

The spotlight on women’s clothes and style echoes people’s uneasiness in coming to terms with women who have real power.  Your image evokes emotions – in others. Even though you see with your eyes, the actual impression or image is perceived by your mind.

For instance, Tony Kornheiser sparked outrage when he told the world, Hannah Storm, 47, was too old to wear flashy red go-go boots, a short skirt and a top that was ‘so tight that she looked like she was wrapped in sausage casing.’  Yes, he had a major emotional outburst and was suspended by ESPN for two weeks.

So, what are the unwritten clothing rules for women at work?

• attractive but not tempting
• feminine but not girly
• strong but not harsh

Hmmm . . .  I wonder who wrote these rules?

While it may be true that what you wear doesn’t define you as a person, what you wear is an expression of who you are, so choose wisely.

When you choose your next outfit, think carefully about what you wish to tell others, about your mood, your personality, and your ambitions.

Here’s MY secret to classic influence, “Whatever bait you use determines the type of fish you’ll catch.”

Coco, see what you started?  :)

In my post on 2-25-10 I shared the hidden role fear plays in our willingness to influence and persuade.  When women accept that fear is in our imagination – we can deal with it.  This was the first way to stamp out the fear we subconsciously carry with us.

But there’s another way to conquer the fear that stops our influencing power.

And that is to understand our relationship to fear.  I am a huge believer in the power of relationships – from our cells to our outward expressions with people.  Examine the relationship you have with yourself.  Why start there?  Because that’s the bedrock for everything else.

From Socrates to Freud, it is recognized that pain and pleasure are serious motivators.  So, what’s that little voice telling you to avoid?  It’s something from your past that conditions you to relate whatever is causing your fear to pain.

Since the desire is strong for women to avoid this pain we build assumptions leading to flawed conclusions – conclusions based only on your thoughts (fears) at that time.

Here’s the secret we all know.  Our assumptions are usually wrong because they are based on fear!

How do we know?  Because our intuition (and hindsight) continues to show us every time.

Once women understand their relationship to fear then we can be safe around it.  We can choose an empowering response that is an expression of our real self – not our past programming.

You see, women are fearful of what others are thinking of us when we express our influence or persuade.  It’s about the unseen messages we incorporate into our decisions and actions.

Our deep fear is that our efforts to influence will fall short.  But our deeper fear is that we will be powerful beyond measure.  Fear conditions us to ask, “Who do I think I am to be remarkable, brilliant and talented?”  Fear snatches our opportunity to share our power of persuasion. There is no prize for shrinking so others won’t feel insecure around you.  We were meant to shine.

Women have learned they can feel successful once they have approval – external approval.  Forget external approval.  Rather pay attention to your internal approval.

Listen to your intuition.  Intuition or ‘inner fluency’ tells us when and how to influence people.  Don’t let fear constrict you from being who you are – a woman of persuasion.

The generation before us played games or tricks to exert influence.  Does this sound familiar? “Let it be your father’s idea?”  How funny – but it still happens.

Here’s the good news, (there is always good news!) women are learning to openly demonstrate their power of persuasion.  Unfortunately, often being ignored or simply made fun of.

Being brave in the face of such scrutiny requires a leap of faith.  From a rational standpoint, it’s frightening to consider because faith is just as irrational as fear- but faith is more powerful than fear- it can, once you’ve committed to it, allow you to choose the mode in which you respond to your fear.

How can women defeat their fears around influence and persuasion?  By adjusting their individual and shared thinking, assumptions, and behavior.  Shared thinking you say?  Yes.  Shared in the way of how women as a group believe themselves to be.  No. we are not our mothers or grandmothers.  Only in the good sense.

What’s the benefit of tackling your fear around influence?  Finding new respect, increased self-confidence, and greater security – all from you.  You will get more things done, orchestrate needed change, and be the influence so many need.  Remember, as you liberate yourself from your fear your influence will shine.

Here’s the recap:

• Fear exists in your mind – it’s how you view it (or told to view it)
• Women are controlled through fear (their own)
• Fear is a woman’s most self-limiting emotion
• Fear is a cultural script, i.e., society’s instructions to women
• The impact of fear is determined by our feelings of influencing
• Fear is your (trained) response to being an influencer

How can women change these rules?  Read on – there’s more.

Influence Tip For Women:

It’s important to be aware of your comfort or discomfort with persuasion.

Find out how fear plays a role in your influencing or persuasive behavior.

Here’s a quick self-exam.  Yes, ladies, just as we do an external exam it is equally important to do an internal exam.  Read these statements. Be as honest as you can (nobody will see your answers – only you!) Please answer Yes or No to the following:

1.  I second guess myself more than 2 times every day.

2.  When ordering a meal at a café I hesitate because of what others will say.

3.  I feel totally confident in all my decisions to influence someone.

4.  I listen to and act on others’ attempts to influence me.

5.  I always consider how my actions will affect others.

6.  I am usually the first person to answer yes to requests.

7.  I tend to disregard or question my ideas.

8.  I research thoroughly any risks or changes I make.

9.  There is someone in my life I constantly try to please.

10. I tend to avoid uncertain or uncomfortable situations.

If you answered yes to more than three statements – don’t worry.  There’s a simple recipe I implore to get me over my fear especially a fear that exists in my subconscious.

Go through the fear.  Sounds silly but it’s necessary.  The most difficult part of dealing with a fear is the anticipation – which causes us to stop when we begin to be afraid.  And because we see what happens when we push the boundaries – the fear gets worse.  The best way to get rid of this fear is to let the part of us that keeps it alive die.  Not literally.  Seriously, we need to get rid of what is standing in our way – the part that convinces us that we cannot survive without buying into this fear.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.” Marie Curie