Own your fears and soon they will have less power

The longer I work in my field, the more often I experience how much damage fear can do to a person’s career or home life. I can see it coming a mile away, but usually it hits so hard that I’m powerless to do anything to help unless the person I’m working with is willing to face their own fears and embrace them. 

What’s the best way to embrace my fears? I find that the best way to face, address and embrace your fears is to do it head on. When you only address something indirectly, you run the risk of not conquering the fullness of the fear. Facing your fear straight on is not at all an easy task and, even though it might not feel like it at the time, it’s an incredibly courageous thing to even take on the task of facing your fears. 

Is there a way to slowly accept my fears? Well, sure, there’s a process to accepting and embracing your fears. Everyone goes through this process differently. While I may prefer the direct approach, that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the best way for everyone in the world. We’re each unique, so our way of embracing fear is going to differ. 

What if fear still gets the best of me? Don’t get down on yourself! Embracing fear is a pretty big deal and it takes a lot of bravery to confront and overcome what frightens you the most. If you find fear getting the best of you, don’t feel defeated. Know that there will be a day soon when you’ll overcome and embrace your fear. 

Who can help me face my fears? Ultimately, embracing your fears is your own journey, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have help along the way. Rely on trusted friends and colleagues to support you as you muster the courage to face your fears and overcome them.

Link your happiness with your success

So many people are laboring under the impression that in order to be successful, you have to give up a little piece of your happiness. Whoever told you this is full of it, because I am a proud believer that we can all have a happiness and success at the same time. 

Finding success and happiness at the same time isn’t necessarily the easiest thing in the world. It takes time and dedication and the ability to ask for what you deserve. And what we all deserve is a fulfilling career, right?  

Here’s how: 

F: Fully embrace your career

U: Unapologetically work in your best interest

L: Love the work you do and work on things you love

F: Find your inner strength

I: Impress those around you with your passion

L: Live your life according to your own definitions

L: Let go of others’ negativity

M: Make certain to be thankful for the support you receive

E: Engage in positive conversations with your coworkers and managers

N: Never stop trying

T: Take time for yourself 

That’s right, ladies, when you find both happiness and success, you lead a very fulfilled life! I like to think of these little things as bricks that lay the path between success and happiness. Alone, they may not get you very far, but when they’re put together, they create a strong bond that will make it so easy to find happiness and success and get the fulfillment that we search for during our careers.

Are you using your power to lead or direct?

I recently came to a realization the other day that we (including myself) spend a lot more time focusing on all of the possible negative outcomes of women getting power. Now, while I maintain that you always need to be careful with the power that you have, there is absolutely nothing negative about women in positions of power. In fact, I’d say it’s pretty darn awesome to see a lady with some real responsibility. So, what are all of the great things that we, as women, do with our power that we may overlook? 

Help others. One thing that most women are absolutely great at, whether they are the CFO of a Fortune 500 company or a stay at home mother, is nurturing. So why shouldn’t you be able to nurture some new careers using your power and influence? Use your power to give deserving and eager new employees a chance to prove themselves.  

Put a stop to problems. As women, we tend to spend a lot of time worrying about problems and people outside of ourselves. While this can be detrimental if you let it get to you, I see nothing wrong with taking notice of what’s going on around you. Chances are, you’re more than likely than men to see if there are problems in the office due to emotional or mental problems of the employees. Plus, people will likely feel more comfortable talking to you. Use the power you have to help make changes to ease the emotional stress on your employees.

Institute new policies. You want to see change happen? So go out there and make it happen! Don’t wait around for someone else to make waves. You’re perceptive and your intuition is keen. If you’re certain something is the right move, just make it. You have the power and authority to do so; go for it! 

Now I want to hear from you. What are some of the positive ways that you’ve used your power to do something positive?

Let them know you want to help. How can you mentor someone if you don’t let them know you’re going to do so? Also, you’re going to want to make sure that the person you’d like to mentor is actually up and ready for the challenge and wants your help. 

Periodically “check in.” The best way to find out how someone is feeling is by scheduling mini meetings to just check on how your little “grasshopper” is doing. Talk to them about how they fell their intuition has helped and/or hindered them in the past week or two.

Encourage their thoughts and feelings. In order for your employees to rely on their intuition, they have to feel comfortable expressing their emotions at work. An environment that discourages emotional connections is not the best place for people to learn how to rely on their intuition. 

Run situations by them. Just like many other career paths, students often don’t learn skills until they are forced to use them. Rather than talk at your employees, ask them what their gut says to do in a given situation. After they say what their reaction would be, talk about it. What was good, what might not work. Above all, be gentle. You’re dealing with a delicate area for some people and you don’t want to do more damage than good! 

Listen to YOUR intuition. It does no one any good if you aren’t listening to your own intuition. If you feel like you might have made a mistake or someone is ready for more responsibility, listen to your gut. It is, after all, what you’re trying to teach your employees.

If you enjoyed this post, I’d be grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend or colleague, or sharing it on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Google+. Thank you!

When we find success it’s important to avoid getting an over inflated ego.

Forget David Letterman, ladies, because today, we’ve got a top ten list that you do not want to miss. When you’re at the top of your game, it can be really hard to keep your feet on the ground and remain level-headed. I thought I would keep this light, but remember; only you can prevent your own big ego. And now, without further ado, the top ten ways to know if you’re becoming too arrogant at work. 

10. You assume anyone coming into your office is there to talk your coffee or lunch order. Even if it’s the VP of Marketing. 

9. You make sure that “Eye of the Tiger” starts playing anytime you enter a board meeting. 

8. You run a victory lap or two every time someone compliments your ideas. 

7. Whenever someone agrees with you, you look at them and say, “Well, DUH!”

6. You claim an entire area in the office refrigerator stating that it’s the “Executive Shelf.” 

5. You give all of your employees condescending nicknames and then have nameplates made for each of them. 

4. You make the entire office give you a standing ovation every morning when you arrive for work. 

3. Forget assigned parking spots. The best one is automatically yours.  

2. Demand thank you notes from employees every pay period. 

And now, the number one way to know if you’re becoming too arrogant at work: 

1. 1.    While at a business dinner, insist on placing order from “most important” to “least important.” Place your order immediately following this statement.  

While these examples are pretty silly, I just want to point out that when we let success go to our head, sometimes we can do pretty silly things because we think we’re important enough to get away with it. Keep a level head and watch success follow you wherever you go!

Don’t let a disorganized life keep you from success.

If you’re reading this in your office (at home or work), stop for a moment and take a look at the desk in front of you. What do you see? Is it a mess of receipts, sticky notes, reminders, food wrappers, business cards and other clutter? Can you even see your desk through the mess? If you said yes, it’s ok. You aren’t alone. Many of us experience disorganization in our lives. We handle so many other tasks that keeping things organized is usually at the bottom of our list of things to do. But there are several reasons why staying organized should always be a priority in our lives. 

It’s easier to keep track of items and tasks. Oftentimes, we’ll jot a note to ourselves or set a business card down to be dealt with later and then, when we need it, we have no idea where it is. Taking the time to organize your area or desk lets you consciously put items in a place where you’ll remember them.  

Organizing does more than clear your desk. Sometimes our desk becomes an extension of our mind. So when it’s cluttered, so is our brain. Organizing your desk does more than get rid of unnecessary items in real life; it lets us “trash” any useless thoughts swimming around our brain.  

Instead of setting it aside, organizing forces you to manage tasks. It’s so easy to write a note, set it aside and put it off indefinitely. However, when you organize your space, you have to deal with those little notes. You have to decide how important it is or whether it’s worth your time. Organizing your space helps to set priorities and goals.

An organized space gives a good first impression. Who would you trust more: someone with a neat and tidy space or someone with a mess of an office? I bet you said you would prefer to work with the more organized person. So would everyone else. Keeping your space neat makes you more inviting to your peers and superiors.

What happens when your core beliefs are negative? Nothing good.

Negative, or self-limiting, beliefs create barriers for you on several fronts. They lead to procrastination and laziness. Negative beliefs habitually destroy your hopes and aspirations.

Your morale suffers. So does your self-confidence and self-worth. Non-supportive beliefs make you lose your focus distracting you from your intended success path.

You begin to make excuses for why you don’t do certain things. For example, why didn’t Sue get to the early morning meeting? Because she has a belief that she has to have her daily routine of coffee in order to function, but the coffee shop was closed today. So she drove an extra 10 miles out of her way to get a cup of coffee, which made her miss the meeting. And who did she blame? The coffee shop!

Basically, limiting beliefs lock you into a narrow place where you do what you are told and act as expected.

Where do they come from? Your parents, upbringing, schools, and friends. Any and all exposure to pessimistic, judging, non-nurturing, or violent environments.

Here’s the good news: You can change your negative beliefs! However, before you change something, you need to know what needs changing.

So, what are common self-limiting beliefs that you can change? There are 7 beliefs that cause you harm:

1) Believing that you are not good enough to achieve anything.

This stems from the fact that you first thought that you are not smart enough and had no special abilities or qualities and since you don’t have them, you are not worthy or you can’t achieve anything great.

2) Believing that people generally don’t like you.

Before I say more about this, I want you to understand that I am not speaking of the person who is rude, obnoxious, insensitive or ill-mannered. These people don’t deserve to be liked. This belief makes you think that no one likes you or wants to be your friend because of a flaw or flaws you have. You come to accept that you will never be liked, so that belief is stamped into your mind forever. In other words, you believe you are not likeable.

3) Believing that you will be rejected.

This is a common limiting belief that you can find in every walk of life: A student asking a teacher for help, a coworker asking for assistance, a child wanting help from a parent, or a person asking another person out on a date! This belief is cemented in fear – the fear that the other person will say no, will laugh at you, or will ignore you.

4) Believing that certain tasks are impossible to achieve.

The focus here is on tasks that have been proven time and again to be very possible to achieve, yet people with this belief limit themselves by saying they simply cannot achieve these tasks because they lack the qualities, knowledge, tools, resources, etc. In fact, this self-limiting belief can be regarded as a sister to the first self-limiting belief, which is believing you’re not good enough.

5) Having a “there’s only way to do anything” belief.

If you believe there is only one way to do something, than you have already eliminated any other possibility of accomplishing it. For example, some people believe that the only way to make money is with long, hard hours, sacrificing time with family and friends, and draining your energy, just so they can earn a monthly paycheck. That may be true for some people, but I know many women who earn money – and not in this way!

6) Believing that failure is your destiny.

This is an extremely common one. Women with this belief are convinced that whatever they do will end up in failure and because of this, they don’t set out to try anything beneficial, or they stop halfway when trying it and ultimately, they do fail. I also see this as a self-fulfilling prophecy, where they do everything to make it come true just because they said it would!

7) Believing that you will never find success.

This belief mainly encompasses all the other beliefs I didn’t mention. Believing that you cannot be successful is the stepping stone toward a chain reaction of events that will steer you away from your core desires, propel you to not take effective actions, and prevent you from seeing outstanding results and outcomes.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

Pump up your influence!

You know the saying, “Use it or lose it!” Well, today I’m talking about your influence. You’ve got to constantly be exercising your influence in all walks of life or it will atrophy, just like any other muscle. So what are five really great reasons for exercising your influence muscle?

Keep it strong. If you aren’t constantly using your influence, chances are it’s going to get weaker, just like any other muscle would. I’m not saying you’ve got to walk around flexing all day, every day, but it’s important to handle some weighty problems several times a week.

Prevent your influence from waning. If you aren’t using that influence, it’s going to get all weak and flabby and no one is going to trust relying on it when push comes to shove.  

Practice makes perfect. If you’ve ever had a personal trainer, you know that, while they’ll offer you a wide variety of exercises to keep things interesting, they’re all going to focus on you getting those drills right. Most people won’t get it right on the first try, so you’ve got to constantly keep working at getting your influence to work for you. 

Regular exercise prepares you for important situations. Practice makes perfect and you’re going to need to be exercising that influence regularly in order to be ready for the really important situations when people rely on you to make things happen and use that influence that’s so effective. 

Keeping your influence flexed helps you beat the competition. Who do you think would win in a race: the guy who just woke up and put on some running shoes or the woman who spent months training for the race? That’s right, regularly exercising your influence is training to help you be ready anytime you come up against competition. 

Now get out there and start working those influence muscles!

Sometimes you don’t have to say a lot in order to be heard

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a long diatribe, feeling like you’re explaining yourself for the seventh time, wondering why on earth you’re still having to have this conversation? I’m sure you have, and that’s completely fine. But have you ever stopped to think that maybe it’s not their fault for not listening? Maybe you simply aren’t communicating in a way that will get heard. I’ve found there are a couple ways to communicate to ensure your message gets across the right way, the first time. 

Keep it simple. Nothing gets a message lost like surrounding it with a bunch of adjectives or illustrative stories. Keep your message simple. Think of it this way: If you can’t write it in a paragraph, it’s probably too long for someone to properly remember.

Be direct. In line with the above, don’t hem and haw, just get your message out there. That doesn’t mean be crass. Be gracious, but there’s no need to beat around the bush when you’re trying to communicate. Oftentimes it does nothing more than allow the listener to misconstrue what you’re trying to communicate. 

Don’t be aggressive. Sometimes when you have an important message to get across, you can come off as being bossy or even aggressive. It’s important to make sure your message is heard, but being overly pushy will only serve to put your audience on the defense and most people shut down in defensive mode. 

Have them repeat what you said. If you really want to ensure that your message was understood, ask to have it repeated back to you. That doesn’t mean have them parrot it back, but have them describe things to you in their own words. This makes it much more likely that this person will relate to and remember the message.

Success in any arena depends on your ability to make excellent decisions. Solid decisions follow the guiding principles of your heart and your head.

We are faced with decisions all day long:

• Saying “I do!”
• Making a purchase
• Believing what someone tells you
• Changing careers
• Starting a business

And the list goes on.

We make tons of decisions, agonizing over which is best, wondering what will last longer, and asking ourselves how will this serve me. Every decision you make is influenced by your biases, emotions and memories.

Most decisions happen unconsciously. Somewhere in the recesses of your mind, you have experiences that determine how you look at your options, your feelings about them, and your fears of making the wrong choice.

There’s a process or set of rules that every successful entrepreneur, businessperson or industrialist should follow when making a decision.

Here are the top 10 rules to live by when making positive, trustworthy and serving decisions:

Rule #1: Remove the mindset of “I’ll make a decision when I get all the facts.”
This is analysis paralysis. There will always be ONE more piece of fact or information that you need to make that decision. If you buy into this thinking, you will never make a decision. Don’t forget the facts but don’t let gathering the facts be your excuse for not making a decision.

Rule #2: Get out of your comfort zone.
This means break up your routine and your usual way of thinking. Change your thought pattern. Human beings love familiarity and will do everything to protect knowing where to go next. We get stuck in the same old rut of doing what’s always worked – or so we think it always worked. There are other solutions. Find them. Practice creative decision-making.

Rule #3: Align with your values.
Ask yourself a few questions such as, “Does this decision reflect who I am and what I believe to be right?” and “Will this decision compromise my self-respect?” This isn’t a one-time process. Continually check in with your values. If they support your decision, then you’ll know it’s the “RIGHT ONE.”

Rule #4: Find out what others think.
Don’t confuse this with doing what they tell you to do. This could be your coworkers, boss, spouse, mentor or friend. Instead of asking what they think of your decision, ask them what they think of the facts or the situation. Ask what they would do. You may pick up alternative ways of thinking about your decision. One important key here is to only ask people you respect and trust.

Rule #5: Seek the advice of an expert.
This piggybacks on Rule #4, but it goes further in selecting a person who knows more about the facts through experience, education and knowledge. Asking an expert is wise when it comes to serious decisions such as a medical or legal decision. Doing this may require more time spent in making your decision, but it will minimize your risk. This is why it is important to build a team of experts in your life.

Rule #6: Let it be someone else’s decision.
In a word – delegate. You can’t do everything. In some instances, you don’t have the time to research and compare varying solutions. So, make good use of your team, direct reports and peers to take a piece of the puzzle and report back to you.

Rule #7: Listen to your intuition.
Both men and women have it so use it! Those gut feelings or hunches you have are there for the sole purpose of shaking up your certainty. When you are overly certain or confident about a course of action and your “feeling” says otherwise, you’d be smart to listen to that feeling. When something “looks right” but “feels wrong,” it is a message to pay close attention.

Rule #8: Accept that you may make the wrong decision.
Every decision has its risks – looking foolish, uninformed, or simply failure of the desired outcome. The rule is if you’re not failing sometimes, you aren’t taking enough risk. When you miss the mark or make a “decision mistake,” use it as a learning experience, not something to stop you from making future decisions.

Rule #9: You can always change your mind.
Decisions can be adjusted. When you need to change or adjust, do it decisively. Throw out the “I’ll try” mentality. Making a change is important when you use foresight or insight to determine if you are on a wrong path. Changing your mind is knowing when to cut your losses and focus elsewhere.

Rule #10: Learn how to handle failure.
Rejection is a part of decision making. It’s not the failure that hurts you, but your reaction to the failure. Successful people accept the failure, learn from it, and tackle it again. They get back on the horse to ride another day.

Positive decision making shouldn’t be confused with correct decision making. No one can be right 100% of the time. When you follow these ten rules, you will almost always make a positive decision 100% of the time.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

Be the lioness every woman wants to be.

It takes bravery and courage to be a woman. It doesn’t matter if you’re a stay-at-home mother or a corporate executive, we face challenges every day that we can either face with courage, or run away from to avoid. So many of us approach these challenges, we grit our teeth, reach deep down and find the courage to power through.

But what happens when you’re too scared to look these challenges straight on? What happens when we run away? Our confidence suffers. When we are scared, we don’t feel good about ourselves. Now, I’m not saying that it’s unacceptable to be afraid. It’s perfectly normal to be afraid. It’s how we approach it that affects our self-esteem. So how can you approach an anxiety-producing scenario with courage instead of fear? 

Acknowledge your fear. It’s alright that you’re feeling some fear. Trying to repress it so that you don’t feel it at all will only make it get bigger and scarier. Feel the fear. Sit with it for a bit. Then let it go.

Dig deep. Sometimes it doesn’t take much, but sometimes you really have to go pretty deep within yourself to find the courage to face a scary situation. You have to be willing to go through a few layers that may not be so comfortable in order to get to that layer of pure bravery that you’re after. 

Listen to your intuition. Your heart knows. Once you’ve dug down deep, you’ll be able to listen to your heart without any of that other static that fear can produce. 

Keep your head up. Want to feel confident? Then look confident. Don’t ever face a problem with your head down. Always keep your chin held high and looking around at the world surrounding you. 

Don’t stop trying. It might take more than one go to find the courage it takes to face a certain problem. But persistence and courage go hand in hand and once you solve your problem, you’ll feel that much better about yourself for sticking with it.

Baby Boomers are redefining corporate structures, you should join in!

Greetings my fellow Baby Boomer ladies! Today I want to talk directly to you. I’m sure that you wake up in the morning with a few more creaks and aches than you did 10-20 years ago. You might even stare in the mirror in the morning and think, “Where the heck did those wrinkles come from?” The fact of the matter is, as much as we’re a generation loathe to admit it, we’re getting older.  

Sometimes, I find that a lot of women this age start to think of themselves as irrelevant or powerless as a new generation of power women march into boardrooms and executive suites around the country. But I’m here to tell you that you have just as much, if not more power than those women have and I’m here to put a stop to all of your excuses. 

But those women are younger and have more energy than me.

First, that’s why God invented coffee, honey. Learn to love it. Second, energy is a state of mind. Sure, their bodies are younger, but if you make it a point to keep your mind sharp and keep your body in good physical condition, those younger women have got nothing on you when it comes to women in power. 

Technology changes so rapidly and I have a hard time keeping up with it.

Yes, I agree. Just when it seems like I have the most up-to-date phone on the market, something comes along and makes my phone look like a brick. The things is, as I stated above, if you make it a point to stay current on all of the new technology and marketing methods, it won’t seem as daunting. And once you’re in the right frame of mind, you can conquer an overwhelming task.

I have a family, and it takes up time that younger women can use in the office.

This is very true. You chose to have a family and I admire the heck out of you for doing that. Here’s the catch: many of these young women will too. When they’re out with newborns, you’ll still be in the office because your children are either teenagers or adults and you can refocus on your career. And if you feel like you’re not competing with the younger generation as far as timecards go, think about all of the knowledge you already have and don’t have to waste time learning.  

This new generation is used to everything being so fast paced. I can’t complete with that.

Sure, they could probably beat you running a 5K, but adapting to change is a mindset, not a physical trait. Train your mind to move quickly. Practice adapting quickly to new situations and finding your voice. Now watch how quickly you start to move. Pretty soon, you’ll be keeping up with the younger generation with no problem. 

It’s commonly known that the acronym KISS stands for “Keep it simple, stupid.” Well, I’ve gone ahead and modified it to be a little more effective by saying, “Keep it smart, stupid.” The KISS principle, while it shouldn’t be used every time in every situation, definitely has its place in the world of business.

Where can you use the KISS (Keep it smart) method in your company?

At The Water Cooler
Around the cooler is the best place to get to know people. Find out what they like, their tastes and what motivates them. The cooler is more than refreshing your thirst; it’s a place to strategically learn and gain information about people. Use this time “smartly.”

In The Board Room
What’s the purpose or intention of your meeting? Is it to make decisions or drag on and on about the obvious? Follow the agenda but be smart about it. Spend precious time on what really matters. Ask smart questions to the group as well as to individuals. Set your expectations in a way that others will respond instead of react to you.

With The Team
When you want to influence or persuade the team it’s your job to appreciate the flow of conversation. Who is loyal to whom? Who supports whom? Who are the silent players, and what are they saying? When is the right time for the right words or ideas? These are smart ways to approach, appear and advance the team results.

On The Big Project
A new project drains the energy out of you. Before you know it, you’re weighed down with details, catering to everyone, and possibly doubting your objectives. Start your next big project using KISS. Know what results you want to achieve. Then list 3-5 goals that will get you those results. Smart people start with the end in mind. They entertain the BIG picture first.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

There are 3 obstacles in the way of following your gut

Intuition. It’s what sets us apart from men. For whatever reason, as women, we’ve been given the gift of a pretty active intuition. It keeps us safe, helps us make the right decision and even provides a sort of “sixth sense” for what is going on in many situations. We should be using our intuition every chance we get, so, then, why aren’t some of us using it? I’ve come up with 3 barriers that prevent us from truly accessing the full potential of our intuition, along with some ways with can overcome those hurdles.

Fear

This is a biggie! When we hear our intuition, a lot of times, a nasty little voice in the back of our head automatically goes, “But what if you’re wrong? You don’t want to be made the fool, do you? Just ignore your intuition.” 

NO WAY! You tell that little fear pest to put on some shoes and take a hike! Fear is what stops us from acting on our intuition so much of the time. And so much of the time, it turns out our intuition was right all along. 

To overcome your fear of listening to your intuition, just remind yourself that, even though you may not have said anything in the past, your intuition was right. Think of what might happen if you don’t listen to your gut. Is it worth giving into your fear when you might be able to avoid a lot of trouble in the future? 

Confidence

Maybe you’re new to the company or the department, but whatever the case, you don’t feel totally comfortable in your new position yet, and you lack some of the confidence you’re had in the past. This likely ties in with fear a little. Maybe you’re afraid the new management won’t like what your intuition is telling you or maybe you think they’ll ignore your advice. 

Whatever the case, you need to regain that confidence. You were hired or promoted for a reason, right? The company believes in your abilities enough to put you in a position of power within the company. You’ve relied on your instinct in the past and look where they’ve gotten you? Pretty darn far, right? So keep on listening to them! 

Trust

Mistakes happen. Sometimes we make the wrong decisions. We aren’t perfect, but I’m sure you think you need to be. Whatever the case may be, you’ve stopped trusting your own judgment. You made a call and it turned out to be wrong and now you feel like you can’t trust your intuition any longer. 

I’m here to tell you that everyone makes mistakes. But you know, what, we can learn from them and make better decisions in the future. However, those decisions do not involve a decline in self-trust. Take some of that confidence that you just regained and know that you’re the right person for the job and trust that your intuition, while it’s not infallible, will guide you in the right direction most of the time. Take that direction, apply the lessons you’ve learned in the past and take your company to new heights! 

What gets in the way of your intuition? How do you overcome it? 

When conflict arises at work, be prepared to solve the problem with GIN

My guess is that you love being an executive. When you reach a level in your company where you feel like you’re making a difference and can effect change and your ideas are actually listened to, there’s almost nothing as rewarding. There’s one part of being in a position of power that can be a real drag, though and that’s conflict resolution. Whether you’re working with employees that report directly to you or subcontractors that you’re responsible for handling, you’ve got to solve problems and make sure everyone is happy. 

When these situations arise, I use a handy little tool I like to call GIN. GIN can help you solve problems fairly quickly, often over the span of a lunch break or a business dinner. Best of all, this kind of GIN doesn’t come in a bottle, it’s all up in your head. GIN is an acronym for the three parts involved in conflict resolution: Gather, Inform, Negotiate. 

Gather

The first part of any mediation or conflict resolution is to gather information from the parties involved. Here are some important aspects to gathering information:

• Active Listening: Don’t check out when listening to the other party’s grievances. Listen to what they have to say, validate it and confirm that you’re listening to what they have to say. You would be amazed at how much you can calm someone simply by listening.
• Probe: Ask questions, but ask open ended questions? Try not to ask questions that are leading them somewhere or are closed questions that only need yes or no answers. You want to draw out as much information as you can from this person.
• Silence: This is so important and can actually be difficult for some people. Nodding and small vocal affirmations that you’re listening are good, but don’t interrupt someone when they are trying to explain what the problem is. It will only cause them to shut down.
• Review: Once they are done, summarize what you’ve understood this person’s conflict is. Use the phrases “So, to summarize…” or “If I understand correctly…” follow this with a question that allows the person to confirm or correct your understanding. 

Inform

Now it’s your turn to tell your side of the story. Don’t think of it as defending yourself, because that will likely turn this into another conflict. It’s important to think of this as spreading information.

• Explain the problem from your perspective.
• Keep it short.
• Stick to “just the facts.”
• Address each issue individually, don’t lump them all together. 

Negotiate

Now that you’ve both talked freely about both sides of the story, it’s time to come to an agreement. If negotiate seems like too harsh of a word for you, try using the word compromise instead. I like to think of this as the final part of a feedback loop. You want to find a solution that makes everyone happy.

• Ask for suggestions from the other party.
• Make sure all parties involved are in agreement.
• Focus on specific behaviors, goals and outcomes.
• Sum up the resolution. If possible, try and get it all down in writing so things are as clear as possible.
• Follow up! Make sure everyone sticks to their part of the deal, including yourself. 

I bet you never thought you’d see the day when GIN could solve problems in the office rather than cause it! 

How do you handle conflict in the office? Please share with us what works for you!