Influence Tip For Women:
It’s important to be aware of your comfort or discomfort with persuasion.
Find out how fear plays a role in your influencing or persuasive behavior.
Here’s a quick self-exam. Yes, ladies, just as we do an external exam it is equally important to do an internal exam. Read these statements. Be as honest as you can (nobody will see your answers – only you!) Please answer Yes or No to the following:
1. I second guess myself more than 2 times every day.
2. When ordering a meal at a café I hesitate because of what others will say.
3. I feel totally confident in all my decisions to influence someone.
4. I listen to and act on others’ attempts to influence me.
5. I always consider how my actions will affect others.
6. I am usually the first person to answer yes to requests.
7. I tend to disregard or question my ideas.
8. I research thoroughly any risks or changes I make.
9. There is someone in my life I constantly try to please.
10. I tend to avoid uncertain or uncomfortable situations.
If you answered yes to more than three statements – don’t worry. There’s a simple recipe I implore to get me over my fear especially a fear that exists in my subconscious.
Go through the fear. Sounds silly but it’s necessary. The most difficult part of dealing with a fear is the anticipation – which causes us to stop when we begin to be afraid. And because we see what happens when we push the boundaries – the fear gets worse. The best way to get rid of this fear is to let the part of us that keeps it alive die. Not literally. Seriously, we need to get rid of what is standing in our way – the part that convinces us that we cannot survive without buying into this fear.
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.” Marie Curie
What is the single thing that prevents a woman from using her influence?
Being a control freak? Being manipulative? Or being a bitch?
No. That’s not it.
It’s the fear of being seen as a control freak. The Fear of being seen as manipulative. OR The fear of being seen as a bitch.
Fear is a conditioned response. According to Webster’s, it is the sensation of ‘expectation with alarm.’ That means we associate fear with emotional and physical sensations. Remember influencing this situation? [Read More]
Yesterday, Joseph Stack flew his plane into the IRS building in Austin, Texas. The scene was dreadful and frightening. As of this writing two people have died. A senseless action.
What influenced this man to carry out such a horrendous act? Is the IRS a powerful influence over a person’s decision to become violent? Or was the influence that existed taken in such a way that hopelessness was the only result.
What occurred inside this seemingly sane person that caused him to burn his home then do a kamikaze? The answer my friends is simple…
Emotions.
In my blog, How I Conquer the 3 Biggest Barriers to Influence, I revealed the 3 psychological emotions that stand in your way of having influence over yourself.
When we allow an outside force, person or organization to influence our good judgment we must take action as to WHO and WHAT influences our lives.
My heart hurts for his family and I send my most sincere condolences. As a professional, a licensed psychologist and one who has counseled many – I’d like to talk about influence and how it affects a woman’s life everyday.
The Danger of Hopelessness and Desperation
Hopelessness is having no expectation of success - believing there is no solution. It threatens our physical and psychological well being. It is an “end” emotion meaning there is no possible change.
Desperation is defined as ‘recklessness arising from despair.’ Desperation blinds us to a sense of self preservation – unable to think clearly about our behavior. In massive quantities, we become influenced by the deep wallows of despair and hopelessness.
These two emotions must be influenced by our own inner truth and value. As women especially WE must influence these two emotions when they arise. Trust me, they will arise… and the truth of how valuable you are and the reality of hope must be at the core of your existence.
Why is this important to know? [Read More]
Did Valentine’s Day feel like a disease to you? Something to get away from ? What is VD anyway? It is the one day out of the year when greeting cards, jewelry and chocolate stocks go up in value. Why? Because people buy, literally, into the hype about ‘this is the day of love’ nonsense.
Valentine’s Day takes a toll on women. What about the woman who is single, in a loveless relationship, or recovering from domestic violence? Divorce rates are high. Women are staying single longer, putting career (and financial freedom) before romance.
Valentine’s Day is another reminder that the world is arranged for and celebrates couples.
Women need to influence the celebration of love the other 364 days of the year. We are tired of the fake sentiments that we are supposed to fall for or over – depending on your slant of view.
I think it’s about having the power, real power to take charge of your life. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, said this, “Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.” And this applies to love.
Karen Keller’s 5 Jewels To Conquer VD Burnout:
1. Compose your own mindset. What was the conversation in your head on VD? Make it one of peaceful memories not anxiety-laden sentiments. Set the intention to experience the wonder of you. Stay confident that that’s where you’re meant to be on that particular day.
2. Believe in you. What do your beliefs tell you? Challenge assumptions that do not support your choice to be where you are. Tune into yourself to become powerful. If your belief about Valentine’s Day is one of “If I don’t have a date or get flowers I must be flawed” then you set yourself up to make this a belief – opening the door to behave as flawed. Your belief can influence perfection in positioning yourself for success.
3. Move beyond tradition. Call your best girlfriends or your mother or daughter and make a new custom of celebrating the love you have for the women in your life. There is much to celebrate. I did this with my daughter on Valentine’s Day one year – she was 15. We got dressed up, put a little bling on, and went out to dinner. We had a blast! She learned how to take charge of her own happiness and sense of definition.
4. Become Marie Curie. Women are great innovators. Creation is always happening. We are naturally made that way. Our imagination guarantees our ability to come up with great ideas. Create a unique special way that you would love to celebrate VD and then DO IT!
When it comes to Valentine’s Day, imagine all possibilities; you’ll find romance – if you want to, you’ll be introduced to the essence of you. Women are in charge of what they want to innovate.
5. Trust your Intuition or ‘inner fluency.’ Women have complete access – 24 hours a day – to their intuition. How well do you know what you want? How good are you at inviting things you don’t want?
Any power you need over Valentine’s Day is at your disposal. The success of your inner fluency is to the exact degree that the beliefs you hold in your heart, the thought you think, the words you say and the actions you take line up.
As long as you wear these 5 Jewels you will love yourself. Valentine’s Day is a time to recognize and acknowledge the power and richness that is you. Whether you are involved with someone, or you are single, experience these 5 jewels to celebrate a great day for love – everyday.
What’s your take on VD? Tell me in 2 sentences.
